Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
