You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
