So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
