The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
