Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
