Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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