Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
