so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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