took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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