so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
