ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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