What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
