I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
