some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
