just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
