his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
