He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
