Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
