you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
