Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
