im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
