i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
