I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
