apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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