the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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