Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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