According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
