Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
