Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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