I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
