Duck Duck Cougar?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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