Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
