i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
