why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
