I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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