i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
