he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
