Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
