So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
