You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
