Cold hands, warm shart.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
