I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
