I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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