Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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