we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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