I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
