Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
