While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
