I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
