I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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