I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
