If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
