My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
