I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
