stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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