Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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