Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
