nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
