I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
